


Love, Aiden

by homeisnowhere



Category: Love Aiden
Genre: Depression, Drug Use, Self-Harm, Self-Mutilation, Um idk bear with me, also the format is sort of the same but dont hate me i really really really love the format of perks, inspired my perks of being a wallflower, like rly, this story is my story with little added and exaggerated details
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-22
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2017-12-30 05:02:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1014401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/homeisnowhere/pseuds/homeisnowhere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aiden Grimsted is a sophomore in High School who, in turn of his mother giving him a diary since he never seems to tell her anything, starts writing down everything he's feeling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

October 22, 2003

Dear Me, 

I think the thought of being insane is leading me to my inevitable insanity. I've heard stories about people being accused of being insane when they are actually perfectly sane and it gets to the point where they actually start to believe it and it drives them mad.

They pick up habits and become reckless and I'm afraid of myself right now and I'm afraid of loud noises and I'm afraid of my parents being in my room even though I know I have nothing to hide but I still cant control it and I'm sorry for being stupid and nervous and anxious over small and annoying things I'm sorry for being so emotionally vulnerable.

We were asked today in school what we wanted to be when we grew up and I wanted to say something I actually mean. I don't want to be a veterinarian or a doctor or a graphic designer; I just want to be happy. I want to be someone that you can trust. I want to be reliable and a friend and a lover. I want it to be my job without pay. I want to be immortal, I want to make you smile and want to be the reason you wake up in the morning.

I want to be important and loved and I want to love with everything I have but I know that's stupid so i'll just stop with that.

Anyway, I'm getting sad and I'm becoming reliable on people more than I can rely on myself and that's scary.

Or well, I'm becoming aware of the fact that never trusted myself because I always betray every single promise I make to myself and I'm scared because I've hurt myself more than anybody ever has.

And I don't want to be hurt or be sad anymore but that's stupid cause I've never been actually happy, I've just been elated because I do that sometimes but then right after that, I hit rock bottom hard and it sucks and I hate it. I want to be normal. I'd rather be in the background. And I wish I'd be able to do my homework without my mind drifting and getting a headache and crying because I'm trying my hardest but I just cant do anything right. And I'm so sad and I'm so sorry because everything is so messed up and it shouldn't be.

I wish I could be happy but just in case I'm not happy right now, I really, really hope that _you_ are.

Sincerely, Aiden. (My english teacher says 'sincerely' is more appropriate when writing a letter to someone you barely know.)


	2. Chapter 2

November 3, 2003 

Dear Me,  
It's my birthday today. I never got the concept of birthdays, I mean what difference would it have made if i was born a day before or after or not even born at all? The only reason it exists is for the aesthetic. Nobody really cares about it. "Congratulations, you were conceived and grew into a fetus then reached the final days of growth before you were pulled out of your mother's vagina by a doctor with gloves on his hands cause that is really revolting." Thank you, I really tried to impress you. I'm glad that did the trick.

Sometimes I'm mean to myself. And I'm sorry, I'll tone down the sarcasm but I really hate my birthday.  
I'm thankful my mother went through the pain she did to have me but I think it would have saved everybody a lot of grief if she just didn't do that. I just really hate my birthday.  
It's 8:30 and I'm lying in my bed and she forgot about today. And my brother, Derek, is in the next room on his PS1 and my mother's boyfriend, Micheal, is in the living room watching WWE wrestling matches he taped over my home videos. And I have a headache and I didn't get a call from anybody saying "Condratulations!" so I'll just eat my Halloween candy that I took from Derek because I was too sad to go out this year, and stare at the wall.  
"Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Aiden, Happy birthday to you." I closed my eyes and blew out my candles then I laughed cause I didn't have any candles and now I'm staring at my wall again and I still have a headache and I'm sick and I'm scared of the winter because that's the time of year I always get bad.  
I'm going to go now because I have school tomorrow and I don't want to stay up too late because I'm scared of what I might do to myself.  
Goodnight.

Sincerely, Aiden.


	3. Chapter 3

Nov. 12 2002

Dear Me, 

It's been a good day. Other than the occasional bad attitude at school from someone that just wanted to get a chuckle out of making fun of me. I'm not going to go into detail too much because it makes me sad. I was walking in the hallway and I thought about how people who look at the ground when they walk tend to look weaker and then I realized that I was doing exactly that so I stopped. But then that made me feel like I had to look people in the eyes and that scared me so I panicked and ended up looking at the ground all day. I feel bad about that too.

I'm failing three classes. It's not the that I hate school or anything, I just don't have any time. And I'm sort of no-good. I can't even think about homework without getting stressed out and angry or sad. I usually fall asleep when I get home or fight through it with reading a book.

Right now I'm reading The Great Gatsby and I think it's my favorite book. I have a lot of favorite books. But I just can't remember. I don't remember going to school today...  
OH! My birthday present from Sierra got here! It's halloween candy and a letter she wrote me. I would tell you what it was about but I don't think she'd like that...... it's pretty personal! My mom left for work and didn't say goodbye or I love you like she always does and I'm upset about that. I'm sure I'm just over-reacting but it means a lot to me. I value when people say that... I really do.

I think I want to read now so I'll talk to you later! Bye.

Sincerely, Aiden.


End file.
